10 Oct

2009 Christmas Edition of the Hepburn Home Page

The 2009 Edition of the Official Hepburn Christmas Letter.
download the enhanced pdf version here

Yes folks, this is the official Hepburn Christmas Letter. Many others claim to have their own “Hepburn Christmas Letter” but We here at uptown Wimborne publish the original. After taking a sabbatical in 2008, we are punching the keys with a vengeance. Nothing can stop us now!
Now, all I can say for last years Christmas is that Ron Bacardi showed up at every place I went to and there was food, and fun, and kids and presents and uh, did I mention food? Ron, thanks.
Laurie is now swimming with the big fish. She went from Core Labs pond to PennWest Sea. I’m not sure which fish she is, but she can eat all the fish in Core Labs pond, so maybe some kind of piranha. Or a barracuda. Maybe a small shark. She still has to travel from time-to-time but the company vehicle is a Nissan Xterra. “It sure does move” are Laurie’s words. I’ll translate that: “It kicks #&@! layed a strip a block long & did at least a buck-fourty to G.P.” Incidentally there have been a number of vehicle stories.

  1. Feb, 2009: Herbert, aka Ford Tempo, implodes transmission due to name shame by owner (Gracia). The car is Found On Road Dead with owner texting inside. 9 months later the car is compacted onsite by PortaCrush Ltd. Imagine the robot in the movie Wall-E spitting out a cube of Ford Metal. It was like that.
  2. Feb 2009: Due to swimming with sharks, Laurie requires trendy new econo car for the Calgary upbeat lifestyle. Solution: 2007 Toyota matrix with TRD trimline, remote starter, indash DVD player, 17inch alloy rims and, wait for it… manual crank windows. The car is codenamed “The Gocart” by yours truly.
  3. Sept 2009. Gracia receives anonymous tip that a free Acura Integra is waiting for her in Calgary – OK it was Dave Dale and his mother’s car up for grabs. Donna gave Gracia the car and now drives a Nissan Versa. Go Grandma! The Acura has been code-named “Peacemonger” due to a voluptuous bumper sticker on the car.

Kiersten now has her very own Easter bunny named Charlie. The Innisfail Odd and Unusual Sale (go ahead, google it) sucked us right in on Easter weekend. The cute bunny-in-a-basket grew to be a giant Holland lop. Kiersten is now in middle school, which she is enjoying a lot. Her “Comp” (complementary) classes are some of her favorite where she has cooking classes and science labs. Kiersten also went to camp Chief Hector again and had a blast despite the fact that it rained most of the time she was there. Gracia also went on “Leadership 1” with the same camp but it was a 21 day canoe trip on the headwaters of the Churchill River system. They actually fished, and gathered their own food (“hey Mr. Tourist, can we have a can of…”), and traded gunpowder for smoked fish with the northern Cree. Seriously it was remote, beautiful, challenging and in Gracia’s words “life changing”. She has pictures to share and a blog about it here (http://casual-grace.blogspot.com/)

This past summer we also went out east and enjoyed the cottage. We took the USA route for the first time and it was quite a blast. One of the best stops was at Happy Joe’s for a pizza dinner. Gracia never lifted her nose from literature, except twice. 1) She looked up, gazed around and said “Oh, look, a moose.” then dropped her head into the book again. 2)She looked up, gazed around and said “Oh, look, a dear.” then dropped her head into the book again. Both times I missed the sight. I did see a racoon somewhere in Michigan state – and almost ran him over too. Since it had been a while there were a few new things to enjoy. We saw Cameron and his Dad, the new boathouse, and the new fridge.

From the cottage in Algonquin park, we took a weekend and went down to the big Toronto. The first stop was to see Leola at her new residence; the pad, the zone, the place, the free parking!! Geese owned the grounds (they asked US to move out of their way while driving on the laneway) due to a pond just to the north of Leola’s window. Ian was next on the stop and we found a u-pick farm just south of Musselmen lake that had good strawberries in season. The picking went like this: one for Ian, one for Camron, five for my mouth…and 10 for Kiersten! Kiersten! you’re supposed to put them in the basket too!

It snowed here on Nov 30 and I hope it covers the ground for Christmas too. We all wish you the very best during the holiday season.

Written by: Thomas Hepburn tomgh@telus.net
Editted by: Gracia Hepburn
Spell-proofed by: Kiersten Hepburn
Photography by: Kiersten and Gracia Hepburn
Direction, Distribution and finacial support by: Laurie Hepburn

Reading Poetry By the Fire, by Dave Dale
A little bit of Christmas cheer, I thought I would share it here (like my poetry???).

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the ship
Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip;
The phasers were hung in the armourery securely,
In hope that no alien would get up that early.
The crewmen were nestled all sung in their bunks
(Except for the few who were partying drunks)
And Picard in his nightshirt, and Bev in her lace,
Had just settled down for a neat face to face…

When out in the hall there arose such a racket,
That we leapt from our beds, pulling on pant and jacket.
Away to the lifts we all shot like a gun,
Leapt into the turbos and shouted “Deck One!”
The bridge red-alert lights, which flashed through the din,
Gave a lustre of Hades to objects within.
When, what on the viewscreen, our eyes should behold,
But a weird kind of sleigh, and some guy who looked old.

But the glint in his eyes was so strange and askew,
That we knew in a moment it had to be Q.
His sleigh grew much larger as closer he came.
Then he zapped on the bridge and addressed us by name:
“It’s Riker, It’s Data, It’s Worf and Jean-Luc!
It’s Geordi, and Wesley, the genetic fluke!
To the top of the bridge, to the top of the hall!
Now float away! Float away!
Float away all!”

As leaves in the autumn are whisked off the street,
So the floor of the bridge came away from our feet,
And up to the ceiling, our bodies they flew,
As the captain called out,”what the Hell is this, Q?!”
The prankster just laughed and expanded his grin,
And, snapping his fingers, he vanished again.
As we took in our plight, and were looking around,
The spell was removed, and we crashed to the ground.
Then Q, dressed in fur from his head to his toe,
Appeared once again, to continue the show.
“That’s enough!” cried the captain, “You’ll stop this at once!”
And Riker said, “Worf, take aim at this dunce!”
“I’m deeply offended, Jean-Luc” replied Q,
“I just wanted to celebrate Christmas with you.”

As we scoffed at his words, he produced a large sack.
He dumped out the contents and took a step back.

“I’ve brought gifts,” he said, “just to show I’m sincere.
There’s something delightful for everyone here.”
He sat on the floor, and dug into the pile,
And handed out gifts with his most charming smile:

“For Counsellor Troi, there’s no need to explain.
Here’s Tylenol-Beta for all of your pain.
For Worf I’ve some mints, as his breath’s not too great
And for Geordi LaForge, an inflatable date.”
For Wesley, some hormones, and Clearasil-plus;
For Data, a joke book, for Riker a truss.
For Beverly Crusher, there’s sleek lingerie,
And for Jean-Luc, the thrill of just seeing her that way.”
And he sprang to his feet with that grin on his face
And, clapping his hands, disappeared into space.

But we heard him exclaim as he dwindled from
sight, “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight!”

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